Recently, my thoughts have been consumed with worry over the complexity of life, whether it be questions about the brokenness I see in the world or questions about who I’m becoming. Maybe it’s just me overthinking…I tend to do that from time to time.
Each day it seems like there’s a tragedy taking place in our world, whether it be terrorists murdering the innocent, politicians attacking one another with despicable vitriol, the continuous killing of the unborn in the name of “freedom”, and the constant greed celebrated within our culture. It’s hard to see the good and true when the world around you is a living hell.
Good and true…Do we even care, or are we so consumed with our desires that we disregard truth in the pursuit of fool’s gold? Then there’s the hardest question to ask myself: do I even care about truth, or am I just faking it half the time? Again, I’m just thinking here…
And then there are constant questions surrounding my career ambitions, finances, relationships, and priorities. Who am I becoming? These thoughts take me into the unknown, wondering what’s next, yet often paralyzing me in the present.
My head is swimming, full of confusion and worry. I know Jesus teaches us faith, not worry, but I often feel like that’s a utopian concept that’s unattainable by such a weak creature like myself. Worry has been my go-to response when life is unclear, not faith in the sovereign God. I like the idea of faith and it sometimes makes a cameo appearance in the show of Andrew’s brain, but it doesn’t stick around for very long.
What have we become? What am I becoming? I feel like a worried mess…
It all comes back to faith. It always comes down to faith. Why did I ever think otherwise? Who do I think I am to think that the teachings in Scripture about trusting God someone don’t apply to me?
I want faith in the midst of confusion. Thank goodness that Jesus addresses people like me who are in a season of weakened faith:
“But the Master said, ‘You don’t need more faith. There is no ‘more’ or ‘less’ in faith. If you have a bare kernel of faith, say the size of a poppy seed, you could say to this sycamore tree, ‘Go jump in the lake,’ and it would do it.’” – Luke 17:6
Maybe that’s what I need to hear today. Weak faith or not, maybe my Father is OK with the droplet within my heart, trusting that God will somehow show up in the chaos.
I’m clinging to that hope, trusting that God can even use my ant-sized faith…For today, that is enough.