What does an honest life look like? And why is it so hard to be authentic, genuine, and real? Why do I always feel like I am in a movie, playing a role, wearing a mask, and hiding behind someone else’s lines?
Maybe that’s why I wanted to be an actor, because it comes so easily to me. I’ve heard it said that I wear my heart on my sleeve, but deep down inside I know that’s not always true. I want to be applauded, so I hide behind appearances, talent, titles, and associations as I wear a broken smile and bow for the invisible audience. Telling people that I’m hurting, that I need a loving embrace, and that I sometimes feel suffocated is not as easy for me as my writing may imply.
In a broken framework it is hard to be whole. In a world where everyone is trying to become famous, it’s hard to humble yourself and admit weakness. Many people go throughout life without ever being truly known because they are afraid we won’t like what we see.
But I’ve been thinking: wouldn’t it be a massive relief to be honest, to live a life that is truthful about our dreams, our struggles, our doubts, our fears, our joys, our sorrows, our heartbreak, our love, our questions, and our faith? Wouldn’t it be worth the loss of the artificial relationships who disappear like a mist in the wake of our honesty? Wouldn’t it be better to find help instead of pretending that we’re alright? Wouldn’t it be better to tell the people who matter to us why they actually matter to us?
I’m changing and growing the more I tell people the truth: I am desperately fragile, I have been shattered a million different times, I don’t always believe God cares, I sometimes feel hopelessness seeping in, I sometimes feel like a failure, I sometimes feel strong, I have experienced incredible moments of joy, God has shown me His love in ever moment of my life (despite my inability to see or feel it), I can be hopeful, and my life is a success because I am loved.
Wouldn’t you like to join me on a journey of living an honest life? Wouldn’t you rather journey through this life being known, being loved, and being wide awake? Wouldn’t you like to know that God cares about the real you, not the one you hide on Sunday morning underneath the righteous masquerade?
I hope today you know that you are loved as you are, God wants to change your life for the better each passing day, and you are invited to be a part of a much greater story than you could ever dream.
An honest life, wide awake.