Apple of His Eye
by Taylor Fitzpatrick
“Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings.” – Psalm 17:8. This passage is one of my favorites in the Bible. But, if I were to be honest, a lot of days I don’t feel like I am the apple of God’s eye. I spot out flaws within myself. These perceived flaws have been soul crushing. My deficiencies and my past have defined me and my heart sinks into deep places of brokenness. There has been a disconnect between the perception of myself and how God sees me.
I have struggled with believing God calls me a treasure. It is especially hard because of my past sins, current struggles, anxiety, and let’s just be honest, Satan doesn’t make it any easier.
There has been a yearning within my soul to know really who I am and my worth. This longing sent me on a quest to discover my true identity. I knew my identity could not be found in a person or anything in this world.
For me to realize who I am in Christ, the false labels of identity had to be removed. Despite it being 2013 when I started this voyage of self-discovery, I had modern fig leaves that I hid behind. Some of the biggest fig leaves were my past sins, ongoing struggles, and fear. The fig leaves were simply a cover up for the brokenness underneath. As God began to heal the broken places of my heart I started to emerge from hiding. I started believe that despite the brokenness and mess in my heart that God still wanted to pursue me. God still valued me even though I had wandered into things that were harmful to me.
This voyage of self-discovery is a continual process. Often I revisit things I have learned about myself because there are some things that I need frequent reminders of what God says about me. Self-discovery is sometimes a hard process because I have ventured into the places of my heart that hurt. I have been apprehensive to go to the some of the unexplored places of my heart. But I am able to triumph over the fear by the repeated reminders of what God declares over my life and my past.
The one thing I can keep coming back to no matter what I am facing or wrestling with is the truths God declares over me. My worth is not contingent on what I feel or see myself. Sin has a nasty ability to fog your perception of who you truly are. It doesn’t matter where I have been or what I currently struggle with… my identity cannot be shaken. God’s infinite love for us cannot be escaped. His pursuit of our hearts is relentless. When God looks at us, he doesn’t see brokenness – rather he sees your perfect, whole heart because of Christ. He has always seen you as the apple of his eye, and that will never change.