“Our greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding at something that doesn’t really matter.” – D.L. Moody
My heart has been heavy, filled with questions of where I am and where I’m going. Tonight, as I ride the 41X express bus home from work, I’m examining my own story. Am I just breathing, or am I truly living?
The soul inside me has always been desperate for more than just paying bills, watching TV, writing an occasional post, and seeking pleasure. My dreams of film acting didn’t work out as I had dreamed. Writing lights a fire in my soul, but it doesn’t put food on the table. Where am I now and where am I even going?
“The trick is growing up without growing old.” – Casey Stengel
I want to spend my days sharing the grace of Jesus with a hurting world.
My heart cries out for the ability to wake up each morning, knowing that my hours and days are being invested into what really matters.
Money never was my focus. Money will never be my focus.
And please don’t say it…I know that money is absolutely required for bills, taxes, and general living expenses. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about motivation. Trading my time for money alone has never been my prerogative. Trading my time for a living and an investment into eternity is what my soul craves.
“We buy things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t like. ” – Chuck Palahniuk
Do you know why that quote stabs at our hearts? Because it’s true.
Not everyone will understand this constant stirring within my heart. I’m OK with that. My journey is not theirs and theirs is not mine. Materialistic things don’t interest me much. Money fades, stuff decays, and titles evaporate.
Maybe you know what I’m feeling and how hard it is to put into words. It’s like the itch that never goes away…It’s as thirsting for water while swimming in the ocean…It’s like the desire for love in a land of lust.
Where am I now? I’m 33, married, working 40 hours a week, writing an occasional post, responding to young adults who reach out to talk about their pain (the most fulfilling part of my day), and watching Netflix.
This isn’t a post about how I have it all figured out. Rather, this is me sharing a piece of my heart that burns for more than just myself…A broken guy searching for more than merely existing.
This is me. This is the road I’m traveling. I’m OK with the questions and I hope that the Father leads my way into tomorrow.
These are just ramblings and musings about where I am and where I’m going…