“Where are you in my broken heart?
Everything seems to fall apart
Everything feels rusted over
Tell me that you’re there”
– Switchfoot, “Vice Verses”
Tell me that You’re there…Tell me that You’re aware of my existence…Tell me that I’m not a mistake…Please tell me that You’re not giving up on me…
Hello? Hellooooo? Is this the right number?
God and I have had many hard conversations, most of them seeming to just be one-way without a reply. That’s aggravating – crying out to God for answers, yet getting silence. It’s easy to resort to “Well, God must not exist” or “God just doesn’t care about me”, but it’s much harder to admit that we just might matter to God more than we can even imagine…It’s even harder to admit that we might be shutting God’s voice out of our own lives, all the while accusing Him of being mute.
We’re all good at doubting God’s love, but are we good at doubting our doubts about God’s love? Humanity is so good at accepting skepticism about God, but rarely do we accept any skepticism in our own flawed ability to process what (and Who) is bigger than our simple minds.
Have you ever felt as if God is one step ahead of you, completely out of reach?
For much of each day, I’m not this rock-solid follower of Jesus who is constantly in a state of nirvana, completely immersed in blissful faith. The truth is that I can be terrified, angry, confused, desperate, lonely, and a skeptic more often than not. There’s this sickening feeling within me that God is running and I’m just not fast enough to keep up…
I’m good at believing that God is escaping me, yet I rarely consider that God might just be running towards me. The very God who I fear is distant just might be closer than the skin on my bones.
We humans are pretty daft. We often ask the wrong questions and in turn get the wrong answers. Instead of asking why God is silent, what if we started asking if we’re the ones tuning God’s voice out in the midst of the world’s distractions?
What if we began waking up each day, skeptical in our own limited understanding of all that is real, good, and true? What if we were skeptics of our own “knowledge”, opening our hearts to the existence of a God I believe to be very, very near? What if we reversed skepticism on its own head?
I’m the first to admit that God often feels like He’s running away…Yet, I’m also willing to admit that I’m probably wrong about Him. If the life of Jesus is any demonstration of God’s pursuit of humanity, then it’s most likely that I am the one running away, not God.
Is it possible that you’re running away from God?
I’m tired of running away. I choose to believe that God is running towards me, because Jesus gave me enough reason to believe that with confidence.