Despite The Darkness
I’ve been thinking a lot about hope lately.
Just about 5 months ago I moved to Charlotte, NC for an internship with Habitat For Humanity – the dream! I moved into this new season with tons of expectations that were thrown to the ground and curb-stomped pretty quickly. I thought I had followed God out here. I thought this was finally my time. I thought things were on the up and up from here on out. I guess that’s the thing with expectations though – they often lead to disappointment.
And if you let yourself sit in disappointment long enough, things can get dark…
Now, in the grand scheme of things, an internship turning out to be different than expected is just a blip on the map. But when your heart is bent towards anxiety and depression as mine is, it is so easy to get lost in the woods – and in the woods, daylight fades fast.
In the woods, your senses are heightened – you hear every creak. Every howl. Every rustle in the trees. Even though you walked into the woods knowing where you were going, you soon forget and run every which way the wind blows. And if you could just stop for a moment and quiet your heart, you know you’d remember the way and find your way out, but the pounding in your chest keeps you from hearing that still, small voice. The One that would lead you out.
Often when I have slipped into a place like this – where I can’t hear God’s voice – he sends me my friends. Friends that will find me in the woods. Who hold a candle to my darkness. Who tell the ghosts to go. And suddenly I find hope again.
Not the kind of hope that is warm and fuzzy or in a hallmark movie. Not the kind you spell with a wooden cutout that you by from the craft store. No, the kind (as my friend Brittany says) that is violent. That fights to the death. A hope that slays the giant and returns bloody and torn. A hope that doesn’t just see the darkness, but beyond it into the glorious, and says, “let’s go.” No matter the obstacle. No matter the sacrifice.
It finds that there is still good in the expectations that were not met. And it keeps going. It keeps fighting. It gets beat up along the way. It finds the light at the end.
Megan is originally from Phoenix, AZ but recently moved to Charlotte, NC to work as an intern with Habitat for Humanity. She is currently finishing up her degree at Arizona State in Business and Sustainability. Outside of work and school, she is always ready to lounge around and watch movies all day or jump in the car and head out on an adventure!