“Well, sometimes my life just don’t make sense at all
When the mountains look so big,
And my faith just seems so small
So hold me Jesus,
Cause I’m shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won’t You be my Prince of Peace”
– Rich Mullins, “Hold Me Jesus”
On the darkest nights, He was with me in the panic and the pain. When my heart hurt the most, He was still with me, holding me together as I fell apart. As the world continues to spin out of control, He’s still with me, even as I write these words. He’s an enigma. I’m just an atom of dust in time and space, yet He fills my being as a temple to His presence, calling me home.
Jesus makes no sense, yet he makes all the sense in the world.
Many of you don’t believe in Jesus. We’ve briefly touched on the subject, but we often skirt around it due to my desire not to “preach” at you. Don’t worry, this isn’t the beginning of Andrew bashing you over the head with a King James Bible (I read the ESV). Yet, I would be a fool not to tell you about the one person in my life who has always been there. Friends have abandoned me, my family can’t always be there in every moment, and my wife is a human like the rest of us. No one can meet me in the darkest nights like Jesus.
I’ve always hated it when people talk about Jesus like he’s this nice Sunday school white dude who wants you to behave yourself to get into a heaven made of clouds and naked babies with wings. I also don’t believe that He’s angry with you like (see: Jonathan Edwards), nor is He reveling in your debauchery and sin. I found Jesus to be out of my categorization all-together. We try to box Him in, yet He always shows up somewhere we least expect.
A God who is perfect and just, yet a God who is so in love that He would die in our place…
A God who would delve deep into our darkness to find us, even when we were the ones who ran away…
A God who is angry at the darkness that deceived us, yet is madly in love with creatures lost like strangers in a strange land…
So many Christians (and those yet to begin a journey with Jesus) want to “feel” Jesus, which leaves them devastated when they find that they feel nothing at all. “Did I do something wrong?” I asked that question a million times when I was younger, desperate to know that Jesus was with me. He didn’t feel like He was there, so I assumed I was invisible and a mistake – a glitch on the charts.
Then it hit me: I don’t have to feel God to be known and pursued by Him. I don’t always feel loved by others, but that doesn’t determine whether or not I’m truly loved. God is beyond space and time, which also means that He’s much bigger than my temporary, fickle, fleeting feelings that are mere phantoms.
“In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” – John 1:4-5 ESV (see, I wasn’t kidding)
Darkness cannot keep Him away from us. We can’t escape Him, yet we often turn our backs to Him, choosing to live a life that is less than human.
To be truly human is to know the One who created humanity. When we are separated from God, we are missing the true essence of the human spirit.
You may feel desperately alone and unloved, but that couldn’t be any further from the truth. The very God of the universe – Jesus – is there, right where you are. You can’t touch Him with your fingers, but you know that He has touched your soul. Your heart longs for something more than this life. That longing can only be met in the scars of Jesus.
I’m not sure what you’re going through, but I know that Jesus is there with you. He hasn’t abandoned you. The sin, the disgrace, and the death that you brought on yourself was taken upon Him when He died on the cross for your redemption. You have no need to live in shame and fear any longer. You’re called to a life that is far more interesting and worth living than you ever dreamed.
The scarred arms of Jesus are open and waiting for you.