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Cubicles, Caffeine, and One Nagging Dream

The past two years, I have been making a living by working in a cubicle, making phone calls, discussing job opportunities with candidates, and staring at a computer all day long.  Carpel tunnel is probably not far off.  I’m over caffeinated to stay focused.  I’m constantly stressed by the pressures and demands of an industry that is driven by the bottom line.  Weekends are the deceitfully promising future I dream of on Monday morning.  Life isn’t what it was supposed to be as a college kid who knew he was going to change the world.

Dreams are beautiful and can make life so enriching, but when they remain elusive they can be the constant curse.  Some of you can relate, while others of you are living right where you want to be at this stage of life.  Sure, you’d like to get more, be more, impact more, dream more; but you are happy with the current climate of your circumstances.

If you fall in the first category, this is for you.  If you’re in the second group, awesome work and keep making us proud.

But if you’re discouraged, frustrated, confused, bewildered, and even mad, welcome aboard.

The reason I’m writing this is because of a few hiccups in my own personal journey that are driving me to a deeper need for God, a deeper understanding of what real life looks like, and a better knowledge of who I truly long to be.  I’ve been working towards a stepping stone for over a year that was supposed to catapult me into the next phase of my journey towards my dreams.  But, as you know, life doesn’t always go as planned.

This doesn’t mean that I’m quitting on myself or that I’m resigning to a life that I was never meant to live.  This means that I’m contemplating, that I’m overthinking, that I have too much on my mind, that I’m being hit with “ah-hah” moments everywhere I turn, and that maybe, just maybe, this rambling might encourage you in some weird way.

I know this: we weren’t created to just merely exist.  One thing I’ve learned from working in a corporate setting is that not everyone is there for the right reasons.  Sure, some people are working because it affords them the financial support for their family, their dreams that they do outside of work, and the future that they hope for.  But one thing that this experience has confirmed to me is that many people have given up on themselves and have resigned to “working for the weekend”.  This mentality is so destructive and so disheartening, especially as a dreamer.  How can you hate life for 5 days out of 7 every week?  Is that really life?

Booze, partying, and drinking the weekend away are the average cubicle dweller’s replacement for goals, dreams, and vision.

Many of my friends that I either grew up with or went to school with have moved on to live extraordinary lives.  They live with intentionality and purpose and it shows by the most important investment a human being can make: the use of his/her time.  But in my small world I see so much heartache and discouragement, but instead of responding with the resilient persistence to pursue a better future, most of the people I see are choosing to do absolutely nothing.  This baffles me.

How can you give up on yourself?

The world is not my ally and I am finally starting to fully realize this truth.  I used to believe that the world was an endless ocean of opportunity and yes, that can be true.  But what holds more truth is that the world works in nepotism, in dishonesty, in manipulation, in greed, and in heartbreak.  If you look to this world to provide answers, you will consistently be left lacking.

The only answer I can consistently come back to is that my hope cannot be in myself or in this world.  My hopes, my dreams, my plans, and my future must rest in the hands of God and Him alone.  This is not something that I can fully grasp or recognize, but I am more aware now than ever that I am not satisfied with this world and the promises that it makes.

So where are you?  Are you in a process of brokenness or a place of realization?  If your dream is working out or if you are already established, what are you doing to help those around you reach their dreams?